So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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