I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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