I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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