Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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