I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
