So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize