I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
why does every cop we meet know your name?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
