Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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