you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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