apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
