Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.