this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
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I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
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So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*