he puts the penis in happiness.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.