So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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