Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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