I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
