Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.