i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
