quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
