these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You made out with two different species that night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
