Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
