it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
