So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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