remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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