So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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