I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Pants are for mortals
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
