Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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