Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You made out with two different species that night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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