So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
