Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
