There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
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Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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