Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
