whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize