I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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