i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom