I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.