i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
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I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!