Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.