I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
