Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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