one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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