I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
