just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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