I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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