I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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