Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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