i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
