M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
