it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We need to get me chipped asap
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
