Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
