the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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