I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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