I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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