I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize