Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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