I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.