I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.