I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong