Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
