I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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