I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
