Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
