you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
