do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
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Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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