Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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