so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
