I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just had sex on a roof
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
