There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
