bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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