Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
