I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
