I bet he comes in French.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
