she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
