So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
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i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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