just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
