eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You pole danced in your parka.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize