Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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